Saturday, January 19, 2008
Slump
I'm in kind of a slump right now. I don't feel motivated to write anything new. I have, but I'm missing the drive, and that bothers me. I've been working a lot of overtime at work. It's wearing me out. I think it's just a combination of events that are resulting in the downward slope that is my mood. Yet I go out there with a smile on face. I have some mental block. In the back of my mind, no matter what it is, there's a voice saying, "You're Kelly... you're not supposed to be sad." That's not healthy. I don't like people knowing that I'm sensitive; that I'm vunerable. Yet at the same time, I'd like them to know. It's nice when people reach out to you. Even just a small gesture that says, "I'm here for you" is nice. I haven't written a blog in a while, and I've been wanting to, but I knew that this is what I would write about. "Why would people want to read about this?" So I didn't. Why now? I figured I need to express how I feel in order to get pass it. I'm not going to change my mood until I acknowledge what is going on now. I'm going to go get a drink now. I don't know why you need to know that...but did you really need to know everything else?
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
new year
It feels so good to, well, feel good! I went to the hospital last week and had a procedure done, and now I'm all better! It's scary not knowing what's wrong with you. For a week I thought it was Hep. A, but because of the holidays, we didn't get all of the reults back, turns out it wasn't hep a. There was a side effect from my surgery. I felt like a case you'd see on "House."
I'm back at work, trying to get in some over time so I have some extra money to play with. I'm planning on taking some trips in the next 6 months. I'm taking my sister to LA this month, and I plan on going to New York sometime this spring, and Boston in June to see the Sox play! Flight benefits kick ass.
As for shows... I haven't had the chance to get into any because I've been sick. I just have Un-Lady Like coming up on Jan. 11th
Not much else to update on... I've fixed up my website, so be sure to check it out! www.kellymccarron.com
I'm back at work, trying to get in some over time so I have some extra money to play with. I'm planning on taking some trips in the next 6 months. I'm taking my sister to LA this month, and I plan on going to New York sometime this spring, and Boston in June to see the Sox play! Flight benefits kick ass.
As for shows... I haven't had the chance to get into any because I've been sick. I just have Un-Lady Like coming up on Jan. 11th
Not much else to update on... I've fixed up my website, so be sure to check it out! www.kellymccarron.com
Sunday, December 23, 2007
The New Year
The last week has been insane! I've been very sick. I somehow got acute hepatitis a! Seriously?! I'm doing a lot better, but I was in a lot of pain. There's nothing you can take to stop it, you just have to ride it out. Lame. I was upset that I was missing out on shows and holiday parties, but what can you do? I was well enough to be able to make it to the holiday party at the sfcc clubhouse. I was so glad I could go. It was so nice to be able to see everyone. I didn't realize that so many people were worried about me. It felt wonderful to be back.
I've been feeling very inspired lately. I've been reflecting on this past year and how wonderful it has been to me. A year ago, I couldn't imagine my life where it is right now. I had a feeling about 2007. I had a feeling my life would make a change, and I took the initiative, and I did it.
What's ahead? Any resolutions?
I'm not one to make New Year Resolutions, because I believe if you are wanting to change something in your life, then just do it. You don't need a new year to be your starting ground. Having said that, since I have found something to achieve, and with the new year just around the corner, it only makes sense to have it known as my New Year Resolution. As I said, I am feeling very inspired, and I can feel greatness in my gut. My resolution is to become a force to be reckoned with. I am going to amp up my game. Writing, and editing. I want to give my best performance every time. Watch out, because I'm only getting better.
12/27
::EDIT::
turns out I don't have Hep A. Seems during my surgery almost 8 weeks ago, a stone got loose and well, to keep it simple, that's what's making me sick. I'm going to the hospital tomorrow to get it taken care of. I'm just glad I'm going to be feeling better...finally!!!
I've been feeling very inspired lately. I've been reflecting on this past year and how wonderful it has been to me. A year ago, I couldn't imagine my life where it is right now. I had a feeling about 2007. I had a feeling my life would make a change, and I took the initiative, and I did it.
What's ahead? Any resolutions?
I'm not one to make New Year Resolutions, because I believe if you are wanting to change something in your life, then just do it. You don't need a new year to be your starting ground. Having said that, since I have found something to achieve, and with the new year just around the corner, it only makes sense to have it known as my New Year Resolution. As I said, I am feeling very inspired, and I can feel greatness in my gut. My resolution is to become a force to be reckoned with. I am going to amp up my game. Writing, and editing. I want to give my best performance every time. Watch out, because I'm only getting better.
12/27
::EDIT::
turns out I don't have Hep A. Seems during my surgery almost 8 weeks ago, a stone got loose and well, to keep it simple, that's what's making me sick. I'm going to the hospital tomorrow to get it taken care of. I'm just glad I'm going to be feeling better...finally!!!
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Thoughts from L.A.
I decided to be spontaneous, and go out to L.A. for the day yesterday. I should be taking advantage of my flight benefits, right? Right. I had a few hours to kill before meeting up with Mark, so I found my way to a Starbucks to write. I didn't know about what, so I used a technic I learned in high school. Just write. Don't stop writing, even if you stray from the topic, just keep going. So I did.
12:10pm
I woke up this morning in the Bay Area. Hours later (I was going to give you the exact number, but that would involve math), here I am in Hollywood. With roughly $30 in cash, & $20 in credit (again, math), I have spent the last 30 minutes walking down Hollywood Blvd. -in the rain. I had to spend $6 from my precious budget to buy an umbrella. It took me a while to find a store that sold umbrellas. I really don't want to compare L.A. & S.F., but... it took me 30 minutes of walking to find the Starbucks I'm drying off in. There's one on every corner in S.F.! I checked the whether earlier this week, and it said nothing about rain. Smart move on my part to accessorize my outfit with a scarf.
In a short amount of time, I was stopped by 3 different people asking me city things. Guess I look local. I feel very cold, but pretty awesome. A year ago, I wouldn't have been able to fly out to L.A.-by myself, figure out the public transportation here, and get myself to where I need to be. I feel very independant. It's freeing. I do wish the rain would stop. I've never been one to be spontaneous- I've always wanted to be, but it never worked with my schedule. I have this wonderful ability to hop on a plane and just go whenever I please. It's the perfect escape! The Dickies store where I bought my umbrella... I think it was being run by 50-something year old Russians. I just thought that was odd. Anyway. I'm almost done with my venti drink, and have eaten half of my mint milanos. I should head back out there and explore some more.
6:15pm
I was at the corner of Highland & Hollywood, waiting to cross the street; my new umbrella, (which as I write, I now realize was left in Mark's car) was shielding me from the light drizzle. My earbuds were in place, shielding my hearing from...everyone. Yet a man insisted on making a comment to me. "Why miss out on the free shower?" is what I believe he said. Something to that extent. I've come to learn that I'm the type of pretty that any average joe feels they can talk to by making a "witty" remark, and that I'll laugh at it as a form of appreciation. It's not appreciated. It's annoying. And while most girls are too polite not to let a giggle leak from their mouths, I ignore. It maybe harsh, but that's how you correct that kind of behavior. It's like training a new puppy. If I had a spray bottle, I would have sprayed him in the face. What? He enjoys free showers... well he implied it anyway.
The Morning After...
All in all I had a nice time. I walked around Hollywood Blvd, going into gift stores, and looking at the stars on the walkway. I enjoyed being by myself, which makes sense... I am awesome. :). It was nice to just be, to enjoy my surroundings. I also had fun catching up with Mark. It's nice to see friends. We got starbucks, rented Mr. Brooks, made fun of how bad that movie is. It was fun.
I feel like I put myself in a survivor position. I had only so much money, I was taking the last/only flight of the night to S.F., and it was raining all day. So if I missed my flight, or if it was cancelled, I would have been screwed because I wouldn't have the money for a hotel. I was so chilled to the bone from the constant light rain, I was thinking about buying a sweatshirt. I found one for about 25$. That's majority of my budget. Instead I got the umbrella and made four different stops to four different Starbucks, and bought a pair of socks from the Gap.
I plan to take more trips. More trips to L.A., Las Vegas, NYC! I have my passport application too, and once I have my passport, who knows where I'll go. Cabo? Vancouver? I want to go to Ireland! Visit my cousin in Paris! Eat REAL Italian food IN Italy!
I guess... thinking about it all... the one thing I really learned yesterday was that... Mr. Brooks is a horribly painful movie to get through. :)
12:10pm
I woke up this morning in the Bay Area. Hours later (I was going to give you the exact number, but that would involve math), here I am in Hollywood. With roughly $30 in cash, & $20 in credit (again, math), I have spent the last 30 minutes walking down Hollywood Blvd. -in the rain. I had to spend $6 from my precious budget to buy an umbrella. It took me a while to find a store that sold umbrellas. I really don't want to compare L.A. & S.F., but... it took me 30 minutes of walking to find the Starbucks I'm drying off in. There's one on every corner in S.F.! I checked the whether earlier this week, and it said nothing about rain. Smart move on my part to accessorize my outfit with a scarf.
In a short amount of time, I was stopped by 3 different people asking me city things. Guess I look local. I feel very cold, but pretty awesome. A year ago, I wouldn't have been able to fly out to L.A.-by myself, figure out the public transportation here, and get myself to where I need to be. I feel very independant. It's freeing. I do wish the rain would stop. I've never been one to be spontaneous- I've always wanted to be, but it never worked with my schedule. I have this wonderful ability to hop on a plane and just go whenever I please. It's the perfect escape! The Dickies store where I bought my umbrella... I think it was being run by 50-something year old Russians. I just thought that was odd. Anyway. I'm almost done with my venti drink, and have eaten half of my mint milanos. I should head back out there and explore some more.
6:15pm
I was at the corner of Highland & Hollywood, waiting to cross the street; my new umbrella, (which as I write, I now realize was left in Mark's car) was shielding me from the light drizzle. My earbuds were in place, shielding my hearing from...everyone. Yet a man insisted on making a comment to me. "Why miss out on the free shower?" is what I believe he said. Something to that extent. I've come to learn that I'm the type of pretty that any average joe feels they can talk to by making a "witty" remark, and that I'll laugh at it as a form of appreciation. It's not appreciated. It's annoying. And while most girls are too polite not to let a giggle leak from their mouths, I ignore. It maybe harsh, but that's how you correct that kind of behavior. It's like training a new puppy. If I had a spray bottle, I would have sprayed him in the face. What? He enjoys free showers... well he implied it anyway.
The Morning After...
All in all I had a nice time. I walked around Hollywood Blvd, going into gift stores, and looking at the stars on the walkway. I enjoyed being by myself, which makes sense... I am awesome. :). It was nice to just be, to enjoy my surroundings. I also had fun catching up with Mark. It's nice to see friends. We got starbucks, rented Mr. Brooks, made fun of how bad that movie is. It was fun.
I feel like I put myself in a survivor position. I had only so much money, I was taking the last/only flight of the night to S.F., and it was raining all day. So if I missed my flight, or if it was cancelled, I would have been screwed because I wouldn't have the money for a hotel. I was so chilled to the bone from the constant light rain, I was thinking about buying a sweatshirt. I found one for about 25$. That's majority of my budget. Instead I got the umbrella and made four different stops to four different Starbucks, and bought a pair of socks from the Gap.
I plan to take more trips. More trips to L.A., Las Vegas, NYC! I have my passport application too, and once I have my passport, who knows where I'll go. Cabo? Vancouver? I want to go to Ireland! Visit my cousin in Paris! Eat REAL Italian food IN Italy!
I guess... thinking about it all... the one thing I really learned yesterday was that... Mr. Brooks is a horribly painful movie to get through. :)
Sunday, November 25, 2007
Feed from the Fear
"What scares you the most?"
My number one fear used to be, being alone. Never finding anyone share my life with. Dying without sharing that bond. That was back in high school when I thought being in a relationship was the most important thing, just because all my friends were in long-term relationships. Since then I've come to terms with how my life is. It's not that scary to me anymore.
So what scares me the most? Letting everyone down. Even myself. I'm not sure if it would be harder to let everyone else down, or myself. I'm sure I can't do one without doing the other. I get so much support from friends and family. They have so much faith in me, that if in the end, I can't follow through, I would feel horrible. Not only for myself, but for them too. Sorry you wasted all that time believing that I was going to make something of myself.
When I think about myself, and where I want to go, and what's out there for me, I get this feeling in my gut, this feeling that there's something great waiting to happen to me. I can feel that someday I'll be so much more than what I am now. I feel that the past year, and the few to come are the stepping stones to a fantastic journey that I can't even comprehend. And as powerful, and wonderful as that feeling is... what if I'm wrong? Then what? All this time I thought something great was going to happen, and it didn't. Instead of receiving feelings of pride, and joy, it would be pity, and disappointment. It hurts my heart a bit to think of it that way. But if I keep thinking positively, then I can't go wrong!... right? I am so sure about this feeling, and I'd hate to be proven wrong.
There was a time where I was doubting myself, and a friend gave me a piece of paper that he always had with him. He said it was for me.
You have the ability to
attain whatever you seek,
Within you is every potential
you can imagine.
Always aim higher than you
believe you can reach.
So often, you'll discover
that when your talents
are set free by your imagination,
you can achieve any goal.
If people offer their help or
wisdom as you go through life,
accept it gracefully.
You can learn much from those
who have gone before you.
But never be afraid or hesitant
to step off the accepted path and
head off in your own direction,
if your heart tells you that it's
the right way for you.
Always believe that you will
ultimately succeed at whatever you do,
and never forget the value of persistence
discipline and determination.
You are meant to be whatever
you dream of being.
My number one fear used to be, being alone. Never finding anyone share my life with. Dying without sharing that bond. That was back in high school when I thought being in a relationship was the most important thing, just because all my friends were in long-term relationships. Since then I've come to terms with how my life is. It's not that scary to me anymore.
So what scares me the most? Letting everyone down. Even myself. I'm not sure if it would be harder to let everyone else down, or myself. I'm sure I can't do one without doing the other. I get so much support from friends and family. They have so much faith in me, that if in the end, I can't follow through, I would feel horrible. Not only for myself, but for them too. Sorry you wasted all that time believing that I was going to make something of myself.
When I think about myself, and where I want to go, and what's out there for me, I get this feeling in my gut, this feeling that there's something great waiting to happen to me. I can feel that someday I'll be so much more than what I am now. I feel that the past year, and the few to come are the stepping stones to a fantastic journey that I can't even comprehend. And as powerful, and wonderful as that feeling is... what if I'm wrong? Then what? All this time I thought something great was going to happen, and it didn't. Instead of receiving feelings of pride, and joy, it would be pity, and disappointment. It hurts my heart a bit to think of it that way. But if I keep thinking positively, then I can't go wrong!... right? I am so sure about this feeling, and I'd hate to be proven wrong.
There was a time where I was doubting myself, and a friend gave me a piece of paper that he always had with him. He said it was for me.
You have the ability to
attain whatever you seek,
Within you is every potential
you can imagine.
Always aim higher than you
believe you can reach.
So often, you'll discover
that when your talents
are set free by your imagination,
you can achieve any goal.
If people offer their help or
wisdom as you go through life,
accept it gracefully.
You can learn much from those
who have gone before you.
But never be afraid or hesitant
to step off the accepted path and
head off in your own direction,
if your heart tells you that it's
the right way for you.
Always believe that you will
ultimately succeed at whatever you do,
and never forget the value of persistence
discipline and determination.
You are meant to be whatever
you dream of being.
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
'Tis the Season... Already?!
I've been wanting to update for a while, but I've just been busy! Saturday was my first paying gig! Not your typical show. Me and the boys went down to Santa Cruz Boardwalk; specifically the mini golf. It was a fundraiser, and the original idea was that we were going to be interviewed, and then auctioned off to be caddies for the mini golfers. It wasn't quite set up to a way where we could do that, so we just got microphones and harassed the mini golfers, and commented on the prizes being auctioned. It was a lot of fun. I'm not sure which was more fun; that, or the mini road trip. It was a good time.
Sunday was my premiere in the Gays & Dolls show -I was a feature!!! That too was a lot of fun. We had an audience of 9, but they were great! Also, it's a really great place for me to pick up guys... wait...
This week I have Un-Lady Like on Friday. My headliner had something come up and had to cancel, but it's all taken care of. Aundre the Wonder Woman is headlining now. Much thanks to Melissa for helping me out.
Saturday is the show at my old high school. That should be good. Hopefully everyone involved will benefit from it. The high school, and the SFCC. I'm trying to promote the new Teen Classes, as well as our normal classes and shows. ::Reminder- sign up for Marketing classes::
I went and saw Fred Claus last night. I liked it. It wasn't bad. It's a Family Christmas movie... you know what you're getting. But I still enjoyed it. It totally got me in the Holiday mood. I don't like being this excited about the season, this early in the game. I just want to bake cookies, deck the halls, and hang up some mistletoe! Screw Thanksgiving, right? I just want it to be December.
I also want to be in New York too. Being in New York in December, just sounds fun. I don't like the cold weather, but I do like the way I look all bundled up in winter wear. You take the good with the bad. I'm thinking that maybe after Christmas I'll take someone with me for a quickie trip. Check out the city, go ice skating in Rockerfeller. I'm getting excited, I should stop daydreaming... I mean, it's a trip that very well could happen. I do have an IN with the airline biz.
We'll see.
Sunday was my premiere in the Gays & Dolls show -I was a feature!!! That too was a lot of fun. We had an audience of 9, but they were great! Also, it's a really great place for me to pick up guys... wait...
This week I have Un-Lady Like on Friday. My headliner had something come up and had to cancel, but it's all taken care of. Aundre the Wonder Woman is headlining now. Much thanks to Melissa for helping me out.
Saturday is the show at my old high school. That should be good. Hopefully everyone involved will benefit from it. The high school, and the SFCC. I'm trying to promote the new Teen Classes, as well as our normal classes and shows. ::Reminder- sign up for Marketing classes::
I went and saw Fred Claus last night. I liked it. It wasn't bad. It's a Family Christmas movie... you know what you're getting. But I still enjoyed it. It totally got me in the Holiday mood. I don't like being this excited about the season, this early in the game. I just want to bake cookies, deck the halls, and hang up some mistletoe! Screw Thanksgiving, right? I just want it to be December.
I also want to be in New York too. Being in New York in December, just sounds fun. I don't like the cold weather, but I do like the way I look all bundled up in winter wear. You take the good with the bad. I'm thinking that maybe after Christmas I'll take someone with me for a quickie trip. Check out the city, go ice skating in Rockerfeller. I'm getting excited, I should stop daydreaming... I mean, it's a trip that very well could happen. I do have an IN with the airline biz.
We'll see.
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