The Unfortunate Truth About Girls

We don’t want to have the details of our weddings planned out before we’re in a relationship.
But we do.

We don’t want to ask ourselves, “Is this the kind of guy I could marry and have kids with?” within minutes of meeting you.
But we do.

We don’t want to think about how our name will sound if we took your last name when we’ve just learned it.
But we do.

The way our brains are wired cause us to have these socially unnatural thoughts.

As much as I’d like to block out all of these “girly” thoughts, I can’t. My head goes into this jewel encrusted cave-like place. Yes, jewel encrusted. The interior is pink and instead of hieroglyphics, there are various, “Kelly + Johnny 4Ever” messages. Don’t be fooled by its colorful and sparkly appeal. This cave is a very dangerous place.

Some girls live in the cave. I can’t stand those girls. They’re not living in the here and now, but in a fantasy. I only go into the cave when there is a boy of interest to me. I tend to enter the cave with great caution; I tip toe in. I enter with disbelief. I can’t believe I’m going back to this place. Do you know what happened last time I was here? I fell deep into the fantasy world that the previously mentioned girls live in.

Let me explain the steps to this unhealthy world of fantasy.

Girl meets Boy.
Boy courts Girl.
They exchange numbers.

Stop right there.

I can’t speak for the boys, but girls are thinking about where this is going. “He asked for my number, he must really like me! Is he going to take me out on a date? What if it goes well? What if he becomes my boyfriend? Who’s family will we have Thanksgiving with? I’ll have a date for the company holiday party!”

Its one day into knowing this person and we’re already planning on replying to every event as “Yes +1.”

Now we can all see that this line of thinking is messed up. It’s crazy. I told you about the cave our minds go into… it’s not a good place. But we can’t help it! Believe me; if I could avoid this, I would, because it gets worse.
Let’s get back to our scenario.

Boy asks Girl out.

I’m sorry; I have to stop you again.

When there is a date, it’s all we can think about. “What am I going to wear? I have to shave my legs. What should I do with my hair? What are we going to talk about? What should I order at dinner? I don’t want to order anything too expensive. Is he going to kiss me? I hope I don’t say anything stupid. Maybe I should go buy a new outfit.”

We worry about all of this because we just want you to like us. What we forgot, thanks to our crazy thinking, is that you do like us. That’s why you asked us out in the first place. Also, you’re probably worried about being liked too. Honestly, at this point, we like you simply because you’ve shown interest in us. That act alone, is worth major points.

Okay so the date.
The date is fine, nothing out of the ordinary.
Let’s go old fashioned with this and say Boy walks Girl to her door, and they kiss good night.

Whoa.

Cue the 50’s girl group music.

Okay, so Boy and Girl are dating. Now the phone is involved. I hate the phone. The phone now controls the destiny of this relationship. Who calls who? The boy should call the girl right? Well it’s 2008. Why can’t the girl call the boy? When the girl calls, it comes off as desperate, or aggressive. Why can’t we just call? We had a good time on that date too. Why should we be made to wait around for the phone to ring? Now excessive calling, yes, that’s not good for either party. But why can’t we just call and say, “I had a nice time. I enjoy your company. Let’s do this again sometime.”?

A week goes by, no call. We’ve now become addicts in recovery to our friends.

“Hi Betty, I’m Kelly, and it’s been one week since my last phone call.”

“Don’t worry Kelly; you’re going to get through this.”

Withdrawal kicks in.

“I can’t take it anymore! I’m going to call! Where’s my phone?”

“Kelly, I took your phone. It’s for your own good!”

“You bitch! Give me my phone back!”

“No. You’re only going to hurt yourself!”

Now we analyze.

“Why hasn’t he called? We both had a good time. We shared some stories, some laughs. What was wrong with me? Was I not skinny enough? Was I not pretty enough? Am I too dumb? Was I too aggressive? Was I not aggressive enough? Did I need to whore it up more? What about me didn’t work?”

It never crosses our mind that maybe it has little to do with us. Maybe the guy just got out of a relationship and realized he’s not ready for another one. Maybe the guy has too much going on with work or has too much baggage to get involved with a girl.

Because none of that crosses our minds, our whole cave comes crashing down. We’re actually upset! Why? We barely know this guy, but we put so much hope into him that we built this fantasy of what the relationship might become. Our happily ever after is no more.

I think that girls just want the fairy tale to happen. Maybe not in a “knight in shiny armor” kind of a way, but we just want to find love. We want to know that things will work out for us. As independent as we can be, we still would like someone to come home to and lay beside. Why build an amazing life for ourselves if we have no one to share it with? Every time I get my hopes up about something, and I’m let down, I do get more jaded and bitter than I was before; but that jewel encrusted cave is still a part of me. I’ll always have hope because I can never give up on myself. No matter how much I may want to, I can never just stop being.

I try to fight them, but I do have these girly thoughts. Yes I do know some details about my wedding to a person that I don’t know yet. (There’s going to be karaoke, my first dance will be to either “Jungle Love” or “Walkin’ on Sunshine,” and my dance with my dad will be to Paul Simon’s “Father & Daughter,” and I plan on singing “What I Like About You.”) Yes, I have my favorite baby names. Yes, I still dream of movie-like scenarios where a guy sweeps me off my feet-literally. I hate that I do, but it’s something I can’t help. I think most girls can’t help that.

I guess what I’m trying to say is:
Every girl has a crazy flag; they’re just not always flying it.