Looking Up and Forward to The Fat Pack.

Okay... I believe I'm done with the self-loathing. I'm feeling better about myself and how others are around me. I got way in to my head.

Things I'm Really Excited About:

1. My new work schedule. It's my schedule from June-Labor Day (what, really? That's busy for the Airlines?) and I'm ecstatic! afternoon/evenings with Friday/Saturdays off! I don't have to wake up early, I can go out at night, and still do my shows on the weekends! This is awesome!

2. THE FAT PACK.
yes. THE FAT PACK.
Joe Nguyen is producing this 6 episode web series. It's a mockumentary of four comics in a weight loss challenge. Watch Joe, myself, Adam McLaughlin, and Deb Campo fight to loose! I don't want to give away anything, but it's going to ROCK! Stay Tuned for that.

3. Ice Cream Sandwiches.
They're just delightful my friend (see above... makes sense doesn't it?)

meh-the analytical follow up

I've been in a self-loathing mood. I think that deep down, I find it hard to believe that people like me. I think that I'm annoying people right now. I don't know... it's just the vibe I'm getting. I feel like I'm in the way. I'm bothersome. Like, "Great, here comes Kelly, again! Can't she take a hint?" I keep thinking about the New York show. My interpretation: Nobody in that audience liked me. They didn't want to give me a chance. All the other comics tell me differently, but that's the impression I got. This is just one of those things that I have to suck up and deal with. Maybe I am in everyone's face a little too much. Yeah, I put a lot of time and energy into comedy. That's all I want to do. So when I share my ideas with others, I expect them to be just as excited about it. But I forget that they have full time jobs, boyfriends, girlfriends, families... What do I have? I work 20-30 hours a week, I'm dateless, and I live at home. Of course I'm going to spend all my energy into comedy. I want to write sketch, I want to make short films, I want to do so much. I want to work on all of this while I have the drive to do it. I sometimes feel like giving up. Who cares, right? But then they win. I don't even know who "they" are, but I do not like loosing!

I expect a lot out of myself, maybe too much. I always feel the need to be the best, and in comedy, I know I'm not the best. I sometimes wonder if I'm really as funny as people say I am. I act like I have a lot of confidence, but I really doubt myself a lot behind closed doors. Maybe I'm not that funny... Maybe I'm not that fun to be around... Maybe I'm not that good looking...

We all have insecurities. We all have doubts. We all wonder what people think about us. When it comes down to it, all that matters is what we think about ourselves. It's hard to figure out how you feel about yourself when you pick up all sorts of vibes from other people. It clouds your judgement. I know that I'm in a funk. I'll be out of it soon. I just have to keep reminding myself of all the qualities I have that make me great; that make me who I am.

I should have a talk show where I sum up the entire hour in an inspirational monologue, like Oprah, or Jerry Springer....

meh.

It's 3am, and I feel crappy. I feel crappy about myself. I don't like that I feel this way; but I do. I feel like I'm in people's way. Do you ever feel like that? I'll be over this by tonight... I should be. I feel unwanted right now... yes, it's 3am, I don't expect anyone to need me at this time of night/morning...but I mean in general. I feel like the annoying little sister tagging along with you and your friends, and you just want to get rid of me, but you can't because mom would get so pissed off at you. Wow...maybe my brother did mentally mess me up...

hmmm....

well I should be over this soon... just thought I'd express instead of bottle it all up.

Women Aren't Funny...they can't be...Ladies am I Right?

I can't believe that people have wasted their time researching and writing articles about how woman are not funny.

"When a female comic gets on stage, I KNOW I can't relate to her, so I just tune her out."

What a Maroon!

I'm very fortunate to be coming up in the time I am. Amazing writers and performers like Tina Fey, and Amy Pohler, are showing the world that woman can be funny, talented, and damn sexy while doing it. (You know that their comedy flick is the NUMBER 1 in the country right? Take that Jude Apatow.... well don't you're fuckin' brilliant too, I respect you.I've just gotten on a "girl power" kick that hasn't been seen since the Spice Girls debuted)

I've never considered myself a femmist. Not in the least. I like that I can vote, but I don't feel the urge to burn my bra to symbolize something... Bras are expenisive, and have given me a lot of support. I suppose I was given the impression that it didn't matter WHAT you are, but WHO you are to be successful in whatever you want to do. It doesn't matter your race, sexual orientation, religious beliefs, age, and certainly your gender. If you want to do something, do it.

I am 21 years old. I live at home with my parents. I can't manage money. My best friend is a wife and mother. I have never been on a date. I haven't spoken to my brother in years. I hate teenagers.

I have a voice.

My voice is fresh and unique and damnit, I know I'm funny. The audience decides that, and I know when they burst into hysterical laughter, or after a show tell me that I was their favorite; I know.

This is all I want to do.

If you want to judge me because I'm a girl, go ahead. Judge me on something I had to control over.

A man gets on stage at a comedy show, the audience ASSUMES he's funny.

I get on that same stage, I have to PROVE myself to that same audience. Not only is my job a little bit harder than yours, but sometimes, I do it better.

Not just me. See Maggie Newcomb, Dana Lovecchio, Lilibeth Helson.... the list goes on.

All brilliant, talented, HILARIOUS women.


So say I'm not funny simply because I'm a girl. Say it to my face. I would love nothing more than to prove you wrong.