Everyone and everything you come in contact with, serves a purpose. I believe that have time limits though. I hate to say that about some situations, but it's true. Friendships fade, you find another job, you move to a different place. How do you know when the time is up? For me, I suppose, it's when I don't enjoy it anymore. It becomes more frustrating than fun, and you have to ask, "Is it worth it?" Is it worth all the pent up anger, and hostility for me to stay in what used to be a safe haven? This fish is out growing her bowl. I don't like that I just compared myself to a fish... but am I one to delete a perfectly fine metaphor? No. Never! I guess what I'm saying is, is that whether I'm being pushed out, or if I'm the one opening the door myself, it's time to go. I have so many bigger and better things to do, things to accomplish! If I stay, I'll be holding myself back and giving me a whopping headache. Not worth it. I hate that it's come to this. I don't like turning my back on anyone or anything. But sometimes you have to do what you have to do.
It's time to move on and grow.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Friday, August 1, 2008
A Relationship That Has to End
I started working out last month. I'm going to the gym, trying to eat the right foods, and I've been weighing myself each week. I lost 2 lbs after the first week. One tends to get a little cocky after you loose the first couple of pounds. "Wow, maybe I could still squeeze in a Love It size sundae from Cold Stones." The second week I gained 2 lbs, but we're gonna call that muscle. It's true, you do gain muscle, so I just factor it in. The hardest part about loosing weight, is not rationalizing. "I didn't gain 2 lbs of fat, I gained muscle" "I ate an apple today so then I should be able to eat an entire pizza by myself." "I'm on my period, so it's okay to have chocolate." You're constantly wondering how many calories are in a cookie and if you've possibly burned the equivalent calories because you parked as far back as you could in the mall parking lot.
I'm always thinking about food, and I wonder, is food thinking about me? My parents went to Paris and the only thing I could think about was what food they were eating. Not the amazing sights; the Eiffel tower, the Louve, Notre Dame- no! But were they eating croissants, eclairs, and macaroons?! I associate too much with food.
I had a cupcake last week. Not just any cupcake. It was a chocolate cupcake with caramel butter cream frosting topped with toasted coconut, and filled with caramel. It was amazing. I haven't stopped thinking about it! It's because I have regrets. I ate it too fast. I didn't get the chance to savor it. If only I could have one more, and this time, eat it right. Eat it the way it's supposed to be eaten; because something made with so much love and care, shouldn't be eaten barbarically, but with love and attention. Those toasted flakes of coconut shouldn't be taken for granted. They serve a purpose too and should be indulged just as much as the creamy caramel!
You may have noticed that this is more than an obession. The relationship I have with food is a bad relationship. When I'm sad, I turn to food. When I celebrate, I find food. When I'm bored, I hang out with food. I need to to learn not to be so dependent on food.
So where was I...?
Week One: -2lbs
Week Two: +2lbs (remember, that's probably muscle.)
Week Three: -2lbs
Week Four: -2lbs
So far so good. It's not mastering the eliptical, or counting calories that's going to be the hardest part of loosing the weight; it's the willpower. My counter at work is next to a Just Desserts. You don't know what torture until everyday you walk into work, you smell fresh baked cookies.
I'm always thinking about food, and I wonder, is food thinking about me? My parents went to Paris and the only thing I could think about was what food they were eating. Not the amazing sights; the Eiffel tower, the Louve, Notre Dame- no! But were they eating croissants, eclairs, and macaroons?! I associate too much with food.
I had a cupcake last week. Not just any cupcake. It was a chocolate cupcake with caramel butter cream frosting topped with toasted coconut, and filled with caramel. It was amazing. I haven't stopped thinking about it! It's because I have regrets. I ate it too fast. I didn't get the chance to savor it. If only I could have one more, and this time, eat it right. Eat it the way it's supposed to be eaten; because something made with so much love and care, shouldn't be eaten barbarically, but with love and attention. Those toasted flakes of coconut shouldn't be taken for granted. They serve a purpose too and should be indulged just as much as the creamy caramel!
You may have noticed that this is more than an obession. The relationship I have with food is a bad relationship. When I'm sad, I turn to food. When I celebrate, I find food. When I'm bored, I hang out with food. I need to to learn not to be so dependent on food.
So where was I...?
Week One: -2lbs
Week Two: +2lbs (remember, that's probably muscle.)
Week Three: -2lbs
Week Four: -2lbs
So far so good. It's not mastering the eliptical, or counting calories that's going to be the hardest part of loosing the weight; it's the willpower. My counter at work is next to a Just Desserts. You don't know what torture until everyday you walk into work, you smell fresh baked cookies.
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