I started working out last month. I'm going to the gym, trying to eat the right foods, and I've been weighing myself each week. I lost 2 lbs after the first week. One tends to get a little cocky after you loose the first couple of pounds. "Wow, maybe I could still squeeze in a Love It size sundae from Cold Stones." The second week I gained 2 lbs, but we're gonna call that muscle. It's true, you do gain muscle, so I just factor it in. The hardest part about loosing weight, is not rationalizing. "I didn't gain 2 lbs of fat, I gained muscle" "I ate an apple today so then I should be able to eat an entire pizza by myself." "I'm on my period, so it's okay to have chocolate." You're constantly wondering how many calories are in a cookie and if you've possibly burned the equivalent calories because you parked as far back as you could in the mall parking lot.
I'm always thinking about food, and I wonder, is food thinking about me? My parents went to Paris and the only thing I could think about was what food they were eating. Not the amazing sights; the Eiffel tower, the Louve, Notre Dame- no! But were they eating croissants, eclairs, and macaroons?! I associate too much with food.
I had a cupcake last week. Not just any cupcake. It was a chocolate cupcake with caramel butter cream frosting topped with toasted coconut, and filled with caramel. It was amazing. I haven't stopped thinking about it! It's because I have regrets. I ate it too fast. I didn't get the chance to savor it. If only I could have one more, and this time, eat it right. Eat it the way it's supposed to be eaten; because something made with so much love and care, shouldn't be eaten barbarically, but with love and attention. Those toasted flakes of coconut shouldn't be taken for granted. They serve a purpose too and should be indulged just as much as the creamy caramel!
You may have noticed that this is more than an obession. The relationship I have with food is a bad relationship. When I'm sad, I turn to food. When I celebrate, I find food. When I'm bored, I hang out with food. I need to to learn not to be so dependent on food.
So where was I...?
Week One: -2lbs
Week Two: +2lbs (remember, that's probably muscle.)
Week Three: -2lbs
Week Four: -2lbs
So far so good. It's not mastering the eliptical, or counting calories that's going to be the hardest part of loosing the weight; it's the willpower. My counter at work is next to a Just Desserts. You don't know what torture until everyday you walk into work, you smell fresh baked cookies.
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