Where shall I begin...?
Well, I'm in danger of loosing my job soon. Most likely after the holidays. I'm pretty positive I'm going to loose my job, I just don't know when! (I'm part time and number 10 from the bottom of senority)
So that's been sucking out the fun for me. I'm trying to think of other jobs I'm qualified for. I need something that pays well because I have bills to pay and I need to start saving again. I haven't been able to save because I now work 20 hours a week. I try to pick up as many hours as I can, but it's not enough... I should be hearing from the hardware store soon about going part time there. I don't want to go back there, but I don't have much of a choice. I'm good with the owners, I've done the job before, and they're flexible with scheduling.
So this extremely early mid life crisis has got me thinking about school. I might go to the Academy of Art. If I were to go back to school, this would probably be the only one I'd be successful with. My kind of learning. My friend Ryan works there and is getting me info on their Broadcasting program and finacial aid. We'll see.
Now, what really made my weekend SUCK.
I did my Un-Lady Like show Friday night. It was a good show. Not the best, not the worst. I was thrown down into our new room, which is freakin' nice! But I had no idea how to set everything up! I had to figure it all out, I was the only one there until 15 min. before showtime. The ladies started showing up...we had a small crowd of about 20. My headliner tells me that she didnt realize she was headlining and that she had to go up first because she had something else scheduled. Fuck. Okay... So I rearranged the line up. I headline because I trusted myself to do it. The show was fine. One girl didn't do so well...everyone else got laughs, it was fine. As I said, I've had worse shows.
So I talk to one of the club managers afterwards, tell her that it went well... and we talk about taking a hiatus to build an audience. We're just lacking in the number of people attending. I agreed. So we brainstormed on places to go and advertise, and decided the show would come back in December.
The next day I get an email from her:
Hey Kelly,
After reading this one star review that we received on Yelp.com this morning about the Unladylike Show, I've decided to cancel the show:
"My friends and I went to the Unladylike show last night. I've been to SFCC before and it was pretty good. All three of us were totally shocked at how un-funny the women performing were. Not one of them talked about anything we could relate to. We had no idea "Unladylike" meant white trash but I guess at SFCC it does. I hate to be mean but they were all overweight and unattractive and not very bright. They talked about stupid things. One of the "comedians" was all into being white trash but it was just sad. Who wants to hear about poor people living in a trailer park? We just felt sorry for her but no one laughed. Kelly McCarron talked about really dull things but nothing funny. We couldn't believe we were at a comedy show. We just kept looking at each other waiting to laugh. In case the show producers don't know, there are actually women in San Francisco who read, are smart and actually have relationships with things other than vibrators and text messages. We totally felt like we were in some skanky bar in Sacramento."
Please cancel your performers for the December show we talked about.
W.T.F.? I started crying immediately. This is the nastiest review I've ever read about anything! It's one thing to not like our comedy, but to attack us for the way we looks...? Even if we ALL were overweight and unattractive (Which by they way most of the girls are skinny & pretty, and I talked about my jouney to loose weight) that has NOTHING to do with our comedy. If the show was filled with a bunch of Peter Griffin Look-a-Likes, that wouldn't have been mentioned in the review. Just harsh. It felt more like a personal attack than a review. What a stuck up bitch right?! And she didn't give it a one star, she gave it three....which doesn't matter, but if you're going to cancel me based on one review, then get your facts right!
So I just felt like my life was falling apart: My job, my comedy, my whole world was crumbling. So Sunday I went to the Fog Fest in Pacifica, and my friend Lee had a party and drinks. And I kept taking shots of tequila. Megan counted up to 10, but she said I was sneaking shots too. I blacked out. I've never blacked out in my life, let alone in public. I remember saying "I'm dull and unfunny" a lot. I just wanted to feel anything else but what I had been feeling; hopeless.
I feel like an idiot. I'm grateful for my friends that helped me through this. It's amazing that after all of the good things people say about you and your work, that ONE nasty, mean comment can fuck you up. You forget about everything else. You forget that someone came up to you after a show and said, "You were my favorite." You forget that some guy looked you up on myspace and sent you a non-creepy message about how much he liked you and your comedy...and that he came back to a show you were in! You forget that Mr. Brill, the booker of Letterman, thinks your comedy is good. You loose sight of all the good because one stuck up bitch said you were dull and not funny.
I've decided a couple of things...
1. I'm a bit relieved to not have to produce a show every month anymore. It's a lot of work, and I never have the kickass set I want in those shows because I'm running around all day getting things done. This will give me back the time I need to concentrate on my writing and performances.
2. Un-Lady Like is not dead. Maybe we're Un-Dead... heh...get it? Seriously though... I can produce that show anywhere... It just costs money that I don't have... So it maybe a while, but it's not gone forever.
3. Life is never over...well I guess until your dead....that's not as inspiring though... What I'm saying is, that even when your life seems like it's over, it's not. You just have to start rebuilding. It's like a lego house. You built some kickass lego building and then some fuckin' bitch comes over and knocks it down a swift kick of her leg. That sucks! You put together this amazing lego building without a guide book. You don't remember what steps you took to make it. How will you ever get it back to what it was? You just gotta start trying. It may never look the same... it may even look better than before.
I love my elaborate metaphors.
Yesterday was my birthday. After working all day (by choice... I need the hours) I went out to dinner with Megan, Valerie, Ryan, and Dhaya. Dinner was good. Went home with Megan and Valerie. Val and I have been friends since the 4th grade. Meg and I...well we've known each other since middle school, but weren't really friends til late in high school. It was so fun talking about people we used to hang with and sharing stories about them that the others might not have heard. It was good to laugh that hard...better than the Tequila Black Out of 2008. Actually the thing that made me laugh the hardest was something with Val and Ryan...but I have to tell that in person... Classic. Being around good friends was just what I needed.
I'm out of things to say... I'm a bit distracted honestly... I keep thinking about the birthday cake I have left over.
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