It's the Lastest Craze!

Yesterday was a fan-freakin'-tastic day!

I spent all day at the Comedy College in a workshop with Eddie Brill. For those of you who don't know, Eddie Brill is a comedian, and he is the booker for the Letterman show. I'm pretty sure he knows what he's talking about. We spent the entire day watching the other comics and giving feedback. I no longer have a voice in the back of my head to censor myself when giving feedback to my peers. It's beneficial.

Then we had the Battle of the Bay Finals.

That was probably one of the best shows I have ever been able to participate in. I had a blast! The -Sold Out- crowd's energy was fantastic! I was all in my head before the competition. I'm just naturally competitive, and tonight was the one night I wish I wasn't. It doesnt' matter. We all are amazing and you can't compare comedy. But for those 10 minutes I was on stage, there was no competition... it was just me, the audience, and a mic. That's all I need. I thrived off of that energy. For 10 minutes I got to do what I love and do it well. I got to share that experience with an amazing audience that included some of my friends and family, and my fellow comedians, who I not only admire and respect, but are also the people I love to hang out with. There are a lot times where I feel like that 6 year old in the neighboorhood that wants to play stickball with the other neighboorhood kids that are all 10 or 11 years old. I can't believe they let me play along with them. In the past few months I have finally felt like my life is making sense, and having some direction. And I thank you all for your comments, critiques, shoulders to lean on, and your support. Thanks for letting this kid hang out with you all.

My Last Hoorah

Thursday I'm having surgery. So weird. The doctors are removing my gallbladder. That doesn't bother me. I understand it's a simple procedure, I won't have gallstones anymore, because well, that's obvious. Here's what bothers me. "Kelly, we will make four small incisions on your stomach, detach the gallbladder, and remove it through your belly button." WHAT?! I think it bothered me the most that he said it like it was completely normal. Like, how else would we remove it? I have a picture booklet... so disgusting. They're removing my gallbladder through my belly button! This isn't lint people! This is an organ! I'm really hoping it weighs 20 pounds, because than I'll be at my goal weight.

Anyway, because of this, I'm sure I won't be able to enjoy all the foods I do now. Monday Meg and I are going to ToTo's. Which, if you didn't know, is THE BEST PIZZA ever! It's like my last hoorah. That sounds stupid, but it's true.

Not having a car sucks. My car is dead. I've been approved for a car loan, I'm just waiting for the check. It should have been here yesterday. I've been borrowing my mom's car when I can, but her car is having coolant problems. She's looking for a new car as well. It's hard coordinating between work and shows, and then her schedule too. Lame. I'm looking at 2004/5/6 Honda Civics. It would be nice to have a reliable car for once.

I feel like I have more to say, or that I felt I had more to say at the beginning of this post. I suppose not.

ooh! I did get asked to do a Featured set for the new Gays & Dolls show!!!
Sunday, Nov. 11th @ 7pm $8 B.Y.O.B. at 414 Mason St. #705 San Francisco, Ca

I'm very excited!!! I'll also be there on Nov. 4th, but in the open mic portion of the show.

check it out.

Hung Up

There's an outfit I really want. It looks amazing on me, but someone else got it before me, and there's only one. She looks alright in it... but I think it was made for me. Maybe I just want it so badly that I feel it's a perfect fit. I can't stop thinking about it. Okay... it's not an outfit. That was just an elaborate metaphor. I don't believe in love at first site, or soul mates. The fact that there are billions of people on this planet, and only ONE is made for you? I don't buy it. But when you connect with someone, that's amazing. Even within that first hour of meeting, you feel as if you've known each other for years. Someone gets you. Finally! Then you meet the girlfriend. It's rare that I find a guy where the connection is mutual, but now some one's beat me to it? It's heartbreaking. What about me? When will I stop getting the short straw? There's always been someone else. I don't know if you could tell, but I'm feeling a little self-loathing. What? I know. I'm just tired of finding myself back in this spot. I'll meet some one. We talk, we go out. He enjoys my company. I adore him. That's not enough. There's always another girl, whether it be a girlfriend, or just someone else he's interested in. I rarely feel wanted, and when I do, I don't think, I react. I really need to control that better. It could get me into trouble. I'm forming characteristics I never wanted to have. I'm giving excuses for my behavior. I'm tired I acting this way. I'm tired. I wish I didn't think about all of this, I really do. It plagues my thoughts. I know that I need to just realize that what I want right now, is not going to happen, and to just get over it. It already hurts. Reality makes it worse. I don't want to not like him. That was a wordy sentence. I like liking him. It's hard not to. I need to move ahead.

Wonderful!

I just got back from Disney Land!!! I love Disney Land. I went with Megan, and we got a birthday pin, because we're celebrating my birthday, but she got one too. We convinced everyone we were twins. Last night we went to the Halloween Party and dressed up. It was fun.

I also just got my new work schedule... SUPER excited!!! I work Sun.-Thurs. 6am-12pm... meaning I have my weekends free AND my nights!!!! This rocks! Now I can work and... work! Comedy is work people! Its so nice to be available for shows!

What a Weekend

Friday was the Birthday Roast for Shane and myself. It was a blast... from what I remember. I was the highlight of the night... that happens when you fall of the stage. Yeah. It's physical comedy. They will never let me live that down. I'll have to watch the dvd of it when I get my copy... but everyone had a good time.

Other than that I really don't have a lot to say. I'll just update you all on my upcoming shows.

Friday Oct. 19th: Scantily Clad Comedy @ 8pm $7, BYOB

Sunday Oct. 28th: The SFCC Battle of the Bay Finals!

Wednesday Oct. 31st: Hump Day Comedy's Halloween Show (I'll be hosting) @ 8pm $5, BYOB. (Come in costume!!!)

Friday Nov. 16th: Un-Lady Like @ 8pm $10, BYOB

All of the shows above are at The SFCC Clubhouse

414 Mason St. (on the 7th floor, between Geary & Post)
San Francisco

Their website link is over there on the left.

I'll also be doing a fundraiser in Pacifica

It's not set in stone, but we're looking at,

Saturday Nov.17 @7pm. It will be at Terra Nova High School. Stay tuned for more info on that.


I have to get ready for my day job... See you all around!

I should eat

My laziness has overcome my hunger. Hey, maybe all of those skinny celebrities aren't anorexic! They're just lazy. That I understand. I haven't eaten all that much in the past few days. Mostly because I'm lazy. The other part of it is because of my restrictions. Two more weeks until my gallstones are removed! Until then I can't have any of the greasy goodness that I miss so much. Actually... I cheated the system last night. Megan and I were at the mall, and we went to Burger King. I just got a plain burger, took off all the grease I could... I miss it. I am such a fast food junkie. My body handled it pretty well too. What can I say... I'm a risk taker. I really shouldn't be though. I've never experienced pain like that before. Worse than labor I hear.

Speaking of... (that's called a transition folks) I've been thinking about my life. I know, scary right? I was more so thinking about the "what ifs." "What ifs" are dangerous. What if my family life doesn't start for 10 years! It was brought to my attention that some people believe a person I know, and myself will eventually end up together... estimated time: 10 years. Even if this does happen, I do not want to wait 10 years. I don't want to have my first kid when I'm 31. And on that note... who's to say I go in order? There's been a baby boom in my graduating class. Is it going to happen to me? I don't think I could do it. I know how much goes into raising a baby. I see Megan do it everyday, and she has a husband and family all over the place. If I got knocked up... well it wouldn't be like the movie. At this point in my life I am more career oriented. I always thought I could balance the two perfectly (I'm a Libra... balance is what we do), but since I have no love interest, it's been about my career. But I don't want to be that woman who has spent so much time focusing on her job, that it's too late for her to start a family, or even start looking for love. I don't want to let anything pass me by. Is it bad that I want to do it all? I know what I want... I always have.

I could, and probably will never understand how people don't know what they want to do with their lives. In college... so many kids change their major, or are Undeclared. How could you not know what you want to do with your life? I know that's just me, that I've always known I wanted to be on stage. Films, TV, and now stand up has become a part of that. I always wanted to be a mom too. Get married at about 25, have a kid by 26, 27... That was the plan. I need to stop planning...but when you don't plan... you hope. You hope by 25 your life falls into place. I used to want a lot of kids too... 4 or 5. I'm Irish... we do have a quota! Thinking about my career, and the time that takes... and just some other factors... maybe 2 or 3 kids is enough.

I know that in person, I come off as... relatively normal. Truth is, I'm a girl, and all girls have a crazy flag. This is where my flies. I wish I didn't put so much effort into thinking about these kinds of things, but it's just how my brain is wired.

Even though I'm only 21, I feel like I'm having a midlife crisis. Maybe it's because I feel that by 42 my life should be in place. I should already have the career, be married and have a teenager in house that can't stand me only because I'm the parent and they're at that age. My 20s are for prep time. Right? There I go again, planning. I need to stop that. I should be planning my sets, not a part of my life that doesn't even exist.

I feel like I could end this on a better note... but my brain is completely fried. It's times like this where I envy guys.

Wiped Out

So it's been a few days. I'm exhausted. I hosted the Late Night Open Mic. I was more buzzed than I would have like to have been, because I don't like to be altered when performing. It was alright though. We had about 5 audience members, who I believe all stayed from the earlier show. They rocked.

I was also given some extra stage time too! I was put up in the 6pm grad show, and I got 5 minutes in Naked Comedy. I'm excited. That was my first time in that show.

This week is gonna be cara-zay! Wednesday I'm hosting Hump Day Comedy @ the SFCC Clubhouse (Can you tell I'm working on my hosting skills?) Friday I'll probably do the Late Night Open Mic, which will actually be at 7pm because my ROAST is Friday @ 9pm.

Friday's going to be an awesome time!

I've been writing a few different bits lately, which makes me happy! I've been wanting to write for weeks! I just feel like, hey, I could write something awesome right now! But I had nothing to write about. They come in waves, and my has been crashing down lately. I've been really focusing on performance lately.


Hmmm... Somehow I don't think this blog is that interesting. Sorry, not a whole lot is going on in my life. I'm going to Disney Land next week. That's about it.

I really have been wishing I lived in the city. It would just be easier for going out, I wouldn't have to check in with my parents to tell them I'm too drunk to drive home. Moving out would be very beneficial.I don't really have money though... There's always a catch.

I'm going to try and be producitive today...

I might fail...but at least I'll have tried.

Are you kidding me?!

I was going to title this particular blog "Seriously?!" but then I realized... that's the name for the entire blog!

If you look at a girl's romantic history, or in my case... guys I really like... you start to see a pattern with the guys. Some girls like bad boys. They feel like they can change them, or they like the excitement. Unfortunately, some girls always fall for the abuser. Some girls fall for guys that are just completely the opposite of themselves.

Me?

Thanks for asking.

In the past couple months, I've realized that I fall for the guys that are already in committed relationships! WHAT?! Yes. And this goes back a long way too. A few years ago, a guy I worked with, I absolutely adored. We joked around, we had fun together. One day, his girlfriend's on the phone. How was it that I was the only person in the world to not know that he had a girlfriend of many years?

Even the first guy I was um...intimate with, (this is weird to talk about, but whatever!) yeah, 2 weeks after I moved back to California, "yeah, my girlfriend doesn't mind that I mess around."

WHAT!? REALLY?! SERIOUSLY?!

Thanks for making me feel like a whore.

Lately its been every guy I meet, and as soon as I think, "hey, he's cute, we're kinda flirting here..." someone else HAS to ask him, "So how's your girlfriend?"

NOOOOO!!!!

I don't know what it is about me, but I can always manage to find myself a man that's not afraid to commit. He's just already committed to someone else.

Have you ever been in that situation and you meet the girlfriend (or boyfriend)? It's a no win situation because if you like her, it's like, "Damnit! She's fantastic! I can't hate her. She's adorable!"

or if you don't like her, "She's a bitch! Why is he wasting his time with her? I am angry with the way this situation has played out. How can a beezy like that be with him?"

For me, the girlfriend is usually awesome. I think it's worse not being able to hate them, because you want to throw them onto the train tracks (wait, are there any train tracks around?) but instead you go out for coffee and go to the bathroom together.

If you read my last post, I guess this ties into it. I have stopped looking. I think I've had too. I am so tired of meeting the girlfriend. Maybe I'll just assume that everyone I meet is already taken.

"hey Kelly, my friend is really great, you two would really hit it off."

is he single?

"of course"

sorry, it's probably not going to work out. I'm usually only attracted to guys that already have girlfriends. what's your boyfriend doing later tonight?

seriously?!

stupid universe

Stop looking.

It'll happen when it happens

Everything will just fall into place.



Shut Up.


Every so often, I'll get like this. I'll evaluate my life. Where I am, where I thought I'd be by now, and where I could go from here. I'd figure I'd be in a relationship by now, if not at least dating. But for the first time in years, I'm okay with the fact that I'm not with someone. I get it, I don't NEED someone else to make me who I am. However, it would be nice to not just be single. Single and dating. That'd be nice. I'm sure I'd get more writing done if I was dating. I'm so bad at meeting people, yes, even though my confidence has tripled from 6 months ago. I'm awkward. I'm also picky. Picky and awkward should not go together. It would be wonderful to get excited about something. Maybe I'll just always be a romantic at heart, no matter how badly I've been hurt, but even just thinking about getting ready for a night out, I can feel the butterflies in my stomach. I long for that. "If you stop looking, it'll happen." I fucking hate that line. I'm not looking. Are you saying that if I completely get rid of the thought of dating, then the universe will just make it all happen for me? I would LOVE a million dollars. I'm not avidly looking a million dollars, nor am I thinking about it all the time; it's still something I want though. It's the same thing. Why is it that you always get "advice" like that from people already in relationships? That irks me. Yeah... irks.
I've always been this way though; single, not dating...and I hated it. I suppose I'm finally growing into it. I'm actually holding some high cards in my hand. I'm single, young, I have an awesome job, I'm getting comfortable in my own skin... God, I can't even say pretty, or anything. Does that sound like I've been damaged or what? I know I'm not an Ug-O, but I'm so used to my friends getting all the physical attention... it's weird for me. Again...awkward.
ANYWAY.
I am getting comfortable with myself. I love who I am. I'm pretty rad, and if you can't see that... well your loss. I had very specific plans for my life, and I'm not where I saw myself years before. I love where I am, but it's not what I pictured. I'm cool with that. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, even if that reason doesn't become clear for years...or ever. The people that come in and out of our lives help us grow, they can change us into who we become.
Here's to letting go and just being, while we still can.

Birthday

My birthday was yesterday. 21. It's weird. It's been bittersweet, cause of my dog and all.

Megan came over with Piper yesterday morning with starbucks, a little cake, balloons, and flowers. I'm so thankful I have Megan. You know how in some relationships, friends or romantic, one person needs the other person more? I think we need each other the same amount... which is a lot. We really do complete each other.

ANYWHOO

Went to work. Tried to get off early, but couldn't. Lame.

After work, I changed into my party dress, and headed to the city!


Crashed at Katie's. Now I'm at home on the couch. Wasting time cause I don't want to do anything today. No hangover. I'm a rockstar.