stupid universe

Stop looking.

It'll happen when it happens

Everything will just fall into place.



Shut Up.


Every so often, I'll get like this. I'll evaluate my life. Where I am, where I thought I'd be by now, and where I could go from here. I'd figure I'd be in a relationship by now, if not at least dating. But for the first time in years, I'm okay with the fact that I'm not with someone. I get it, I don't NEED someone else to make me who I am. However, it would be nice to not just be single. Single and dating. That'd be nice. I'm sure I'd get more writing done if I was dating. I'm so bad at meeting people, yes, even though my confidence has tripled from 6 months ago. I'm awkward. I'm also picky. Picky and awkward should not go together. It would be wonderful to get excited about something. Maybe I'll just always be a romantic at heart, no matter how badly I've been hurt, but even just thinking about getting ready for a night out, I can feel the butterflies in my stomach. I long for that. "If you stop looking, it'll happen." I fucking hate that line. I'm not looking. Are you saying that if I completely get rid of the thought of dating, then the universe will just make it all happen for me? I would LOVE a million dollars. I'm not avidly looking a million dollars, nor am I thinking about it all the time; it's still something I want though. It's the same thing. Why is it that you always get "advice" like that from people already in relationships? That irks me. Yeah... irks.
I've always been this way though; single, not dating...and I hated it. I suppose I'm finally growing into it. I'm actually holding some high cards in my hand. I'm single, young, I have an awesome job, I'm getting comfortable in my own skin... God, I can't even say pretty, or anything. Does that sound like I've been damaged or what? I know I'm not an Ug-O, but I'm so used to my friends getting all the physical attention... it's weird for me. Again...awkward.
ANYWAY.
I am getting comfortable with myself. I love who I am. I'm pretty rad, and if you can't see that... well your loss. I had very specific plans for my life, and I'm not where I saw myself years before. I love where I am, but it's not what I pictured. I'm cool with that. I do believe that everything happens for a reason, even if that reason doesn't become clear for years...or ever. The people that come in and out of our lives help us grow, they can change us into who we become.
Here's to letting go and just being, while we still can.