I should eat

My laziness has overcome my hunger. Hey, maybe all of those skinny celebrities aren't anorexic! They're just lazy. That I understand. I haven't eaten all that much in the past few days. Mostly because I'm lazy. The other part of it is because of my restrictions. Two more weeks until my gallstones are removed! Until then I can't have any of the greasy goodness that I miss so much. Actually... I cheated the system last night. Megan and I were at the mall, and we went to Burger King. I just got a plain burger, took off all the grease I could... I miss it. I am such a fast food junkie. My body handled it pretty well too. What can I say... I'm a risk taker. I really shouldn't be though. I've never experienced pain like that before. Worse than labor I hear.

Speaking of... (that's called a transition folks) I've been thinking about my life. I know, scary right? I was more so thinking about the "what ifs." "What ifs" are dangerous. What if my family life doesn't start for 10 years! It was brought to my attention that some people believe a person I know, and myself will eventually end up together... estimated time: 10 years. Even if this does happen, I do not want to wait 10 years. I don't want to have my first kid when I'm 31. And on that note... who's to say I go in order? There's been a baby boom in my graduating class. Is it going to happen to me? I don't think I could do it. I know how much goes into raising a baby. I see Megan do it everyday, and she has a husband and family all over the place. If I got knocked up... well it wouldn't be like the movie. At this point in my life I am more career oriented. I always thought I could balance the two perfectly (I'm a Libra... balance is what we do), but since I have no love interest, it's been about my career. But I don't want to be that woman who has spent so much time focusing on her job, that it's too late for her to start a family, or even start looking for love. I don't want to let anything pass me by. Is it bad that I want to do it all? I know what I want... I always have.

I could, and probably will never understand how people don't know what they want to do with their lives. In college... so many kids change their major, or are Undeclared. How could you not know what you want to do with your life? I know that's just me, that I've always known I wanted to be on stage. Films, TV, and now stand up has become a part of that. I always wanted to be a mom too. Get married at about 25, have a kid by 26, 27... That was the plan. I need to stop planning...but when you don't plan... you hope. You hope by 25 your life falls into place. I used to want a lot of kids too... 4 or 5. I'm Irish... we do have a quota! Thinking about my career, and the time that takes... and just some other factors... maybe 2 or 3 kids is enough.

I know that in person, I come off as... relatively normal. Truth is, I'm a girl, and all girls have a crazy flag. This is where my flies. I wish I didn't put so much effort into thinking about these kinds of things, but it's just how my brain is wired.

Even though I'm only 21, I feel like I'm having a midlife crisis. Maybe it's because I feel that by 42 my life should be in place. I should already have the career, be married and have a teenager in house that can't stand me only because I'm the parent and they're at that age. My 20s are for prep time. Right? There I go again, planning. I need to stop that. I should be planning my sets, not a part of my life that doesn't even exist.

I feel like I could end this on a better note... but my brain is completely fried. It's times like this where I envy guys.