Hung Up

There's an outfit I really want. It looks amazing on me, but someone else got it before me, and there's only one. She looks alright in it... but I think it was made for me. Maybe I just want it so badly that I feel it's a perfect fit. I can't stop thinking about it. Okay... it's not an outfit. That was just an elaborate metaphor. I don't believe in love at first site, or soul mates. The fact that there are billions of people on this planet, and only ONE is made for you? I don't buy it. But when you connect with someone, that's amazing. Even within that first hour of meeting, you feel as if you've known each other for years. Someone gets you. Finally! Then you meet the girlfriend. It's rare that I find a guy where the connection is mutual, but now some one's beat me to it? It's heartbreaking. What about me? When will I stop getting the short straw? There's always been someone else. I don't know if you could tell, but I'm feeling a little self-loathing. What? I know. I'm just tired of finding myself back in this spot. I'll meet some one. We talk, we go out. He enjoys my company. I adore him. That's not enough. There's always another girl, whether it be a girlfriend, or just someone else he's interested in. I rarely feel wanted, and when I do, I don't think, I react. I really need to control that better. It could get me into trouble. I'm forming characteristics I never wanted to have. I'm giving excuses for my behavior. I'm tired I acting this way. I'm tired. I wish I didn't think about all of this, I really do. It plagues my thoughts. I know that I need to just realize that what I want right now, is not going to happen, and to just get over it. It already hurts. Reality makes it worse. I don't want to not like him. That was a wordy sentence. I like liking him. It's hard not to. I need to move ahead.